Glenn Beck is awesome !

It`s Christmas right around the corner. I`ve got shopping to do. No, I do. Really, I was out on tour for a while. Didn`t get any of the shopping done. In fact, we talked about it recently on my Christmas comedy tour. Wanted to give you a peak tonight.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

BECK: Right before I went on tour, it was two weeks ago from today, I wake up. It`s 3:00 in the morning, got to get out to the plane and head out for the tour. And my alarm goes off. And Tania wakes up, and I hit the snooze alarm. And she rolls over, right next to me, right behind me, and she grabs on to me, and kind of holds me from behind, and she puts her cheek right here.

And she held me for the longest time, and she just said, "Honey, you have got to stop doing these tours. You`ve got to stop doing these Christmas tours." My wife`s cheek is next to mine, and I`m thinking about all of the things that are going to happen in the next two weeks, how I`m going to miss her, how I`m going to miss the kids. And Tania says, "Because there`s just so much to do."

(LAUGHTER)

It`s like I couldn`t get clean. "We got to make lists. We got to go shopping." Oh, I realized I wasn`t missing out; I was escaping!

(LAUGHTER)

She didn`t want me around; she wanted a personal assistant. "There`s just so much to do. Come on! Come on. It will be fun. Let`s go shopping. Come on. It will put you in the Christmas mood." "Why? Are bullets on sale?"

(LAUGHTER)

Oh. "Come on."

We went to the mall. It was like in June or July. And I`m, you know, in the mall with her, just trying to figure out what size coffin I want to be buried in.

(LAUGHTER)

And I`m sitting there. And she`s at this big table of like cashmere scarves, and she`s, "Hmm. I don`t know." "What is it you don`t know, honey?" "I don`t know. You think Bob would like this scarf?" "In June?" "No, for Christmas." "Oh, sorry, I couldn`t put the psycho thoughts together."

"Hmm, I think he`ll like that. I`m going to get that for Bob. What do you think?" "I think that`s good, honey." "What about Nancy? Do you think Nancy" -- "Who the hell is Nancy?" "You know, Nancy, she lived next door to my great-grandmother`s neighbor for a while." "I don`t know. Is Nancy even alive still?" "What if she is?" "What if she isn`t?" "Fine, I`m going to get them both for Bob and Nancy."

And I know -- I know like in two years, oh, yes, oh, I`m going to be looking for something in a linen closet some place, I`m going to reach out, "What the hell is this?" "Oh, those are the scarves we were supposed to give Bob and Nancy."

(LAUGHTER)

"Well, we can wrap them up now and give them this year." "Yes, I think they`re both dead now!" "Well, maybe if I had some little help around the house, maybe if somebody would help wrapping." "Oh, don`t start." "Come on, let`s wrap presents together. It will be fun."

"Come on. Go ahead. Wrap." "OK." "Not like that!"

(LAUGHTER)

"OK, sweetie." "Oh, don`t use so much tape." "I worked 40 hours this week just so I could buy as much freaking tape as I want!" "No, no. Let me show you. You take it like this. You put it over. And then you -- hold on to it -- don`t use tape. Hold onto it. And then fold in the sides like this. You fold the bottom, and you fold the top. Little more of the tape. Little more tape. Turn it around. Cut, cut, cut, cut here. Hold it, hold it, hold it. There!"

(LAUGHTER)

(END VIDEOTAPE)

BECK: That is the "Real Story" tonight. And thanks to all of those who came out this year to my shows, this year, and help my Christmas be so very, very merry. I am starting tomorrow going to spend the time home with my wife wrapping fricking presents.